Why do pacts work?
Committing to a change in a clear and symbolic way has a profound effect on our minds. When we make our goal public (or at least shared), it stops being a vague idea and becomes a decision that's been made.
This type of pact activates our sense of identity: you're not just wanting to change, you are a person who is changing. This subtle difference is what makes the pact so powerful.
And when this pact is shared with another person, the effect multiplies.
What is the Buddy System?
The buddy system is a strategy widely used in high-challenge environments, such as rehabilitation programs, lifestyle changes, and even military training.
The core idea is simple:
"The journey becomes lighter (and more serious) when you don't walk alone."
Your buddy is a trusted person you choose to share your goal with and ask for support.
It could be a friend, a family member, a coworker, or even someone going through something similar. What matters is that this person knows you're committed to making a real change.
Why does this work so well?
Studies show that when you share your goal with someone and commit to giving them updates on your progress, your chances of following through more than double.
"People who declared their goals to someone and made follow-up pacts had a success rate of 76%, compared to 35% for those who kept their goal a secret." [1]
Having a buddy activates two powerful triggers:
- External accountability: knowing you'll have to report back makes you think twice before giving up.
- Emotional support: having someone to talk to on difficult days reduces the chance of abandonment.
How to choose your buddy?
Look for someone who:
- Knows and respects you;
- Knows how to listen without judging;
- Is happy about your victories;
- And is willing to remind you of what you promised, if needed.
Avoid people who are overly critical or who tend to belittle your efforts. The role of a buddy is to support, not to police.
Three simple ways to use the buddy system
- Commitment message: send a message to this person saying what you're going to do this week.
- 3-day check-in: agree to respond in 3 days about how things are going.
- Symbolic support request: ask them to remind you of your goal if you get discouraged.
Final tip
Declaring your commitment is not a sign of weakness. It's an act of courage.
Those who truly commit create structures to keep from giving up.
And the buddy system is one of those structures: simple, powerful, human.
Scientific Reference
[1] Matthews, G. (2015). The effect of accountability on goal achievement: A field experiment using commitment contracts. American Economic Journal: Applied Economics, 7(1), 1–22. https://scholar.dominican.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1002&context=psychology-faculty-conference-presentations