Before any tips, it's important to say that sadness is not a feeling to be classified as good or bad. It's not something to be sought, avoided, eliminated, or controlled. Treat sadness as something that makes you look inward and engage in self-reflection about life. Thus, the best thing to do is to receive it and process it as best as possible. It's a process that can take a few seconds or a few years and involves:
- understanding that things and people are not eternal and/or that loss is part of life
- realizing that staying in sadness forever will not bring any real benefit
- building meaning for what happened
- seeing more constructive actions to take going forward.
When facing sadness, there are many strategies we can use to deal with the situation at that moment. They are divided into two categories:
- Natural responses
- Intentional responses
Natural responses
As the name suggests, natural responses are those we take naturally "without thinking."
- Seeking comfort
- Mourning
- Protesting
- Ruminating
- Feeling shame
- Withdrawing
Seeking comfort
Seek help or support from other people. Generally a constructive action.
Mourning
Expressing pain over the loss of someone through actions, clothing, and words. Can be constructive or destructive depending on the circumstances.
Protesting
Denying the loss. Can be constructive or destructive depending on the circumstances.
Ruminating
Thinking obsessively about the emotional experience. Generally a destructive action, because the past cannot be changed and this rumination makes you more negative in the present.
Feeling shame
Feeling ashamed of your feelings about the loss. Generally a destructive action, because it's a denial of yourself and therefore interferes with the process of self-reflection about the loss.
Withdrawing
Staying physically away from what is causing the sadness or avoiding thinking about it. Generally a destructive action, because with sadness it can be a way of "sweeping the dirt under the rug."
Intentional responses
Unlike natural responses, these are done intentionally, meaning you are aware of what you are going to do. Here there are 4 options:
- Distraction
- Mindfulness
- Changing perspective
Distraction
The strategy is to divert the mind's attention from thoughts and emotions of that moment. This is useful in situations where we cannot (due to lack of time or ability) deal with the situation. At Vigilantes do Sono we recommend the thought stopping technique to do this.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of full attention. It's the total awareness of what is happening in the moment. It may seem obvious, but we don't always notice what is happening around us, what we are feeling, or how our body is doing. This full awareness is important for a simple reason: It's practically impossible to fix a problem you don't know exists. How will you notice and deal with your sadness if you don't notice it coming and what mechanisms you use with it? The idea here is to work on this, and the best way is through meditation.
At Vigilantes do Sono we recommend some apps for you to do this practice.
Changing perspective
The strategy is to identify and then change the way situations, experiences, events, ideas, and/or emotions are viewed. Often they are seen in a false way that doesn't benefit you.
For example, "I made a mistake at work, I'm an embarrassment to everyone." Everyone makes mistakes, it's part of human nature. No one is absolutely brilliant or completely stupid. Above all, in life you can "lose, but not be a loser." Therefore, this thought is false. And also dangerous because, if you are a total failure, then it's not worth trying again, it's not worth learning from mistakes. This type of thinking paralyzes you instead of making you stronger.
if you start from false thoughts, you will reach false conclusions
At Vigilantes do Sono we have two techniques that help "change perspective":
- challenging negative thoughts: helps identify distorted thoughts and analyze them in a more realistic way
- paradoxical intention: helps reduce the fear of doing something
Gratitude
Lastly, a practice that has great results is the practice of gratitude.
What are 3 things in your life that you are grateful for today?
To learn more, see our article about gratitude
What do I do with all this?
Now that you know the different strategies to take, it's worth reflecting:
- Which of the "natural responses" do you normally use?
- If your actions are being "destructive," is it possible to replace them with a constructive action? Or better yet, with one of the "intentional responses"?
Answer in the comments 😉
